I should update this.
justwannarun
I wrote something but it got erased. Which is probably for the best.

I try to update this thing now and then just so I know where I was in my life when I look back. In the past few months, I've written things down on paper rather  than electronically. Mostly because it was just easier and seemed more heartfelt or whatever. I don't feel like writing something exceptionally long and/or detailed but since it is already 7th week (holy shit!) of Winter quarter, I figure I should write something about the last few months.

It's been an emotional roller coaster for me these past few months. It still is to some extent but things are (I think) getting better. I really struggled with a lot fall quarter and began doing something I thought I would never do. I finally came to terms with my problem, decided to get help, and was able to stop. The scars (literally and figuratively) are still there but I guess that is the price to pay. I have also been struggling with my view about human beings, and more specifically, with one of my best friends. We are still friends but it really hurts me to admit that she was probably not the person I thought she was. I also realize that my view of human beings and human nature was idealistic at best. I do think there is a good in everybody but I am not so sure about many of my other perceptions. I do not think I will ever be sure.

Academically, I did not do so well last quarter, though I finally was able to do okay in math, so that was a plus. So far, this quarter has been far better on most levels. Academically, I really like my classes and it shows in my grades though I think I may kind of be doing not so well in physics. Serves me right for missing 3 weeks or more of class. More, actually. In other areas of my life, also, I just find myself happier. 

I am still extremely scared and unsure about the future, both distant and far away. But I am just trying to live in the moment and take it one day or a time. When I think about these things that frighten me, I just push those thoughts away. Probably not the best way to deal with it, but oh well.

There are still several things in my life that I want to do/accomplish that have not happened yet. Some of them I am kind of on the right path to. Others seem much further away. Hopefully, everything will be okay.

That was far much longer than I intended and also rather ambiguous. Oh well. Maybe I will update again soon. I really should not though, not with my midterms fast approaching and then finals.

haven't posted in a while
justwannarun
So I realized I have not written an entry in a while. I usually try to update every so often, just so I know what was going on in my life when I look back. I also wanted to write a "Thanksgiving entry," a kind of "What I am thankful for" and so forth.

I cannot believe that my fourth quarter at UCLA is nearing its end. I just have one more week of classes and then finals. This quarter has been tough. Living with my best friend is a roller coaster. We have an amazing time together, but our friendship also has had a lot of problems in the last couple of months. Mostly my fault. But I think we both know how much we value each other and so we are willing to fight for this and work for it. Because in the end, I do think it is worth it. Academically, I am doing not so well. I realize how intelligent the people around me are. It is near impossible for me to do well in my classes becuase everyone is so damn smart. I never thought I would be happy with simply passing a class, but that's how it is with my Life Science class. I am happy because I do feel like I'm learning a lot  and such but I do worry that my GPA is not high enough to get me into any graduate school. I do not know what I will do except continue trying as hard as possible. We'll see how it goes. The summer was amazing. I think definitely the best summer of my life so far. I had a great time at UCLA during the week and was able to also enjoy Simi Valley on the weekends. In contrast, this past quarter has not been so good but oh well. I know what I want to achieve in the next few months. I have my goals and I know what I need to do to achieve them. Hopefully I have the self-control, drive, and motivation to do those things and succesfully complete them.

So I think that is good for now.


So i originally was supposed to post this entry around Thanksgiving time. I wrote like half of it but did not finish it till now. But nevertheless, here are some of the things I am thankful for. I would elaborate but I should be studying for finals.
-my family
-my friends
-opportunities
-health
-freedom
-electricity
-education
-science and math
-technology
-being able to attend this school
-music
-many other things i'm sure i have forgotten

Spring Break... already?
justwannarun
Wow, I can't believe that I've been in school for literally 6 months. I moved in to UCLA exactly 6 months ago. The first quarter at UCLA was pretty slow. Well, the first like 3 or 4 weeks were super slow. The second half of the quarter was really different because I stopped hanging out with one of my roomates almost completely (we hung out with each other like all the time the first few weeks of school), spent very little time in my room, got to know the people in my building, and made some good friends. This quarter has been pretty interesting. The first like four or five weeks flew by, and I was super busy every weekend because of quizbowl stuff and stuff like that. Around midterms, I started realizing that I had really fucked up in a few of my classes and tried to do better. My plans to go to class more kind of failed but I kind of did better. I'm still pretty sure that I really messed up at least 2 of my grades this quarter but we'll see. The curves have defintiely sucked for my math class (class averages are Bs... not because its easy but because people are super smart) but I hope everything will work out.

I defintiely like the quarter system. It is super fast since it's only 10 weeks plus finals week, but it's not that bad. If you have classes you don't like, they are over pretty fast, and if you do like a class, you will not be tired of it. Also, you get to take more classes which is always nice. I also like being done with finals and not having to have any work to do over spring break. 

This quarter, my last final was on Tuesday night which I was originally mad about because I had to do all my studying before that. Instead of coming home following my finals, I decided to spend Wedensday-Friday at UCLA. I'm really glad I did that because I had a lot of fun with my friends and actually got to enjoy the campus without being stressed out. Both my roomates left by Thursday morning, but I actually spent more time in my room then I usually do as I was able to hang out in it with some of my friends. My roomates and I are defintiely interesting...we are all pretty crazy and cause a lot of commotion. One of them is almost always in the room; my other roomate and I are rarely there. Still, we have a pretty good time together and I'll defintiely miss them next year. 

Hopefully, I can fix my GPA next quarter. I still don't know how I did this past quarter, but I don't want to think about it too much over break. I actually want to be able to have fun.

I'm out since I want to go chill with some of my friends here in Simi. I already miss UCLA a lot, but it'll be nice to see everyone in Simi again too. :)

Good song.
justwannarun
 I Don't know who to trust
No surprise
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies

Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear
For the last time
I won't trust myself with you

Tension is building inside
Steadily
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts forcing their way
Out of me

Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All i ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause i swear
For the last time
I won't trust my self with you

I won't waste myself on You You You
Waste myself on You You You

I'll take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause i swear
For the last time
I won't trust myself with you

Everything from the inside
And just throw it all away
'Cause i swear
For the last time
I won't trust myself with
YOU YOU YOU!!!! 

-"From the Inside," Linkin Park

College life.
justwannarun
I've been meaning to write an entry about this quarter for a while, and probably will at some point, but not now. Need to write a paper, but thought I'd update about my weekend first.

Friday was pretty good. Dinner with one of my friend, chilled in my dorm's lounge for a good amount (and had a Sprinkle's cupcake!), and then went to my friend Gabe's room to watch a movie. We didn't fall asleep during the movie (a pretty rare thing for us), but once it was done, Gabe and Clare fell asleep and I just did some stuff on the computer. I was tired too, and too lazy to walk back to my room in the cold, so Clare and I just decided to crash there. I woke up at various points in the night because it was a little cold but managed to get a decently good sleep. We finally ended up getting up and leaving a little after 11, and ate brunch in one of the dining halls. After brunch, we went to Hollywood because Clare wanted to buy one of her friends birthday presents from the different parts of LA. We'll probably hit up Santa Monica and the Getty and wherever else next weekend. Hollywood was fun; we saw the usual sights: the Chinese theater, Kodak theater, Walk of Fame, street artists, all the good stuff. We also did a little (mostly window) shopping and got some gelato. We couldn't spend too much time there because I had to go to Dinner for 12 strangers in the evening. Dinner for 12 Strangers is this really cool thing that is organized by the UCLA Alumni Association and UCLA Student Alumni Association. Basically, alumni (or groups of alumni) host dinners for UCLA students. There are 2 weekends of dinners (last weekend and this weekend) with like 40 or 50 dinners happening each night. You just have to sign up if you want to go. My dinner actually had 4 alumni there, plus their spouses, and then like 13 or 14 students. It wasn't really 12 strangers but still a lot of fun. I met a lot of really cool people, got some good advice, and had some killer food. I definitely want to do it next year. I got back to UCLA and  was going to watch another movie with Gabe and Clare, but I was way tired and headed back to my room to sleep. 

I ended up sleeping a little after midnight, and waking about a bit after 8. I went back to sleep, woke up  hours later, went back to sleep again, and finally got up a little after noon. It was a really good night of sleep. I ate brunch with a few friends, and have been relaxing since. I just realized I have a paper due tomorrow, so that definitely sucks. Going to order some food with other people in my building and then get the stupid paper done (I hope).

Had a good weekend overall; but now I need to get to work. This quarter has been interesting; did rather badly on 2 midterms and ok on the other 3. Need to do ridiculously well on my finals and final papers to save my grades/GPA. Hopefully everything will work out. I've got a little under 3 weeks left till Spring Break.


College Life... 1 Quarter Down, Lots More to Go
justwannarun
Well, college has started again. Winter break was really good. Meant to post about my trip to the East Coast, but didn't really get the chance to do that. Highlights include: just spending time with my family, being an idiot with my cousin (and 5 million random jokes), going to Boston, going to NYC a few times, seeing Hairspray on Broadway and meeting some of the cast (not Lance Bass but Ashley Parker Angel and a few others), and meeting new people. It was a really good trip and I had a lot of fun. Coming back to California was nice too; was able to hang out and see a bunch of people from high school whom I hadn't seen in a long as time.

As for as college goes... it's been fun so far. I've been able to spend a good ammount with my friends... even write now at 3:40 am, we're just chilling. Well I'm blogging and one friend is doing hw and the other is sleeping, but it's nice to have company. As with much of last quarter, I am almost never in my room. Maybe a bit more than the last few weeks of last quarter, but still very rarely. 

Classes are a different story. I have a 10 AM math class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, with a discussion at that time on Thursdays. So far I've missed 3 out of 5 lectures. Probably a bad idea. I set my alarm clock, wake up, shut it off, and go back to sleep. I've been sleeping way too much lately but that obviously has changed tonight/this morning. I've also missed 1 Political Science class and a GE Cluster class, but those were kind of validated because I was kind of sick. Feel asleep in almost every lecture too so basically I'm a horrible student. My classes are pretty allright though. Poltiical Science is really interesting because of the ongoing election and doesn't seem too hard. A lot of US History is like a not so detailed version of APUS so that's chill too. The only thing about those two classes is that there's a lot of reading for the discussions but it's nothing too terrible. I'm interested in the subjects too which makes it good. The second part of my GE Cluster class (Evolution of the Cosmos and Life; it's year long) deals mostly with the formation of life and seems to be really interesting. Calculus seems managable also.

The next few weekends are going to be really busy. There are a lot of quizbowl tournaments (like 4 or 5 in a row on Saturdays), and I'm actually codirecting one of them so that involved quite a bit of work. It's fun though, and one of them is at Stanford which will be a fun trip. Might be going to Berkeley too in February but not sure yet about that. When I don't have a quizbowl tournment, I'll probably be tutoring kids on Saturday mornings (part of this thing I joined last quarter called Project W.I.L.D.) and then chilling with friends/doing hw the rest of the time. The quarter system moves pretty fast; I have midterms in just 2 weeks, and finals not long after that. It's intense but I kind of like it in a way.

On a whole, I'm having a pretty good time here at UCLA. I've made some pretty awesome friends which makes my college experience what it is, and academically, I'm doing allright. Hopefully will start attending more classes, but we'll see about that I guess. College is what you choose to make it. I'm pretty busy with the stuff I do, and sometimes it gets a bit overwhelming, but it's always nice to just take a break and chillax with my friends. I love UCLA and consider coming here one of the best decisions I've ever made. 


It's been 3 years exactly since what was one of the most important days in my life. In a not so good way. But things seem pretty good now, and I'm just trying to live life one day at a time. Seems to be working so far.

Blah
justwannarun
It's funny how going home can, ironically enough, make you miss it that much more. I have gone home quite a few times since coming to UCLA, but never for this long. These past 96 hours have been fantastic...  I couldn't stop thinking myself, "Damn, I love home so much." From seeing friends and family to simply sleeping in my bed, everything was so perfect. I got back to UCLA about two and a half hours ago, and even though I am sitting here watching a movie with some friends, I still miss home. A lot. I miss my dog, I miss my parents, I miss my bed, I miss everything about... home. And it hasn't even been three hours. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I love UCLA, don't get me wrong. I know that I made the right decision in coming here. Walking around campus is a dream, the people are great, it's close enough to home for me to visit. I just really miss my home... my other home I suppose... a lot right now. I think going home, even for just four days, makes you appreciate the little things that you love about home. In fact, I think four days is just the amount of time that makes you realize these things, but short enough still that you don't miss college.

Hopefully I'll get reaquainted with this amazing campus in the next few days, and continue my journey here.

(no subject)
justwannarun
It's like,
a game of Jenga.
Seems so high,
So sturdy,
Then piece by piece...
It all falls apart.


I love college, I love UCLA, I love my friends. But it is still so fucking stressful.

I love college...
justwannarun
At first, I went home or saw my parents pretty much every weekend, but now, I don't even want to go home.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family and do miss them at times, but I'm having a lot of fun here. I don't suggest reading the material under the LJ-cut because it is rather long and may bore you. Basically, it's just about what I've been doing this last week.


The Obligatory College Post
justwannarun
I was looking back at my past entries a few days back and realized how happy I am that I've been blocking for almost three years. I definitely don't update on a regular basis, and some of my entries (particularily at the beginning) aren't necessarily happy. But I've written about a lot of things that were fairly important to me or that I just wanted to remember for whatever reason. As I read some of my entries, I didn't remember everything that I had written but I still couldn't help but smile or laugh.

Since I've always tried to update about the more "significant" things that happen in my life (graduation, trips I take, etc.), I feel obligated to write a quick (although these never do turn out quick or short) update on what's been going on here at UCLA. You probably know that I just started my freshman year here about 2 weeks ago so yah. 


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